The vet called back.

We have to put her down.

My cat is very ill, and had to be taken to the vet today while I was at work. I was terrified, when I left this morning, that it would be the last time I ever saw her. She was following me around the house, miserable and desperate to be around me, and I basically sobbed my entire way to work. I'm very lucky I wasn't in an accident.

The incredibly good news is that the vet didn't take one look at her and pronounce her hopeless (this happened the last time I took an ill cat in, so). They took some blood work, injected her with some fluids for dehydration, and sent my dad home with an antibiotic. She's obviously ill, but she hasn't given up, and we haven't given up, so.

If you could all spare a few thoughts for Peanut, "my little legume," and help me will the test results to be good news, you'd have my gratitude forever.

I've always had an interest in watching Avatar lingering somewhere in the back of my mind. But from the little I've caught, and from what I've gleaned from watching fans talk about it, I already know two things. 1) I'm most interested in Sokka. 2) I really do not care for Zuko or Zuko's angst.

Given that everything I see from fans makes Zuko out to be a huge focus of the series, and I rarely see Sokka talked about, I've always hesitated.

But I'm feeling the interest again. So I turn to you, my wise flist. IS Zuko a huge, main focus of the series? And DOES Sokka get overlooked in the series as much as he seems to in the fandom?

PERFECT END TO A SHIT-TASTIC DAY. Work called, and I'm being ordered in to cover. This is spectacularly short notice, I have no clean uniforms, no time to eat before I go since I still have to shower, and I HATE EVERYONE.

sdfsdgh I'll be working until one in the morning, and then I get to go back at noon until eight tomorrow, and then turn around and be back at seven in the morning on Sunday.

>:(

Pandas are kind of like the bumblebees of the mammals.

(eta: So when I was writing this, I originally typed "pandas are kind of like nature's bumblebees." And then I looked at it for a minute. And went "uh." And hit the back button a lot.)

1. Call work tomorrow and talk to assistant director, ensuring him that yes, I really really am sure I want to switch to graveyard.

2. Move to graveyard.

3. Have 100% less drama in my life.

4. ???

5. PROFIT!

I'm tired of being defined by others based on my weight, as if the shape of my body can sum up the whole of who I am. I'm tired of being defined based on everyone else's wrongheaded ideas about weight, and weight's correlation to laziness.

I am more than just an overweight person. And I refuse to be their lazy pig cliche.

I'd really like to start jogging. I'm at a fitness level now where I can manage it without wishing for death, and since I think I'm plateauing as far as exercise at work goes, I'd like to start something extra.

The problem is finding a time to do it.The days I'm working swing (3pm-11pm) it's obviously too late to do it after work, and if I do it before work I'll tire myself out, which you don't want to do when you're spending eight hours walking on patrol. On my days off I'm too tired and just want to lay around and recuperate from the stressful work week. Which leaves the days I work day shift (7am-3pm) if I can force myself to do it after I get home, which is doubtful, since I usually get zero sleep on those days.

And on another fitness note: It's funny how, the last time I was this size I was hugely body-conscious and dressed in several layers and couldn't handle showing any skin at all. I felt huge and ugly and awkward. But now, since losing weight and returning to this size, I'm happily wearing cute, form-fitting tops and daring to show off my chest, and I dunno, just generally feeling more comfortable in my own skin. It's a bit of a revelation.

Don S. Davis (General Hammond on Stargate SG-1) passed away yesterday morning due to a massive heart attack. He was only 65.

I'm at a loss.

We'll miss you, Hammond of Texas.

I think I'm good at my job. I think I'm cut out for this line of work -- something I wasn't entirely sure of when I started, but I think I've proven to myself and everyone else that I can do it, and I can do it well.

But with every day, I'm realizing it's not where I want to stay. I'm getting closer and closer to being at the fitness level I need to be at to finally pursue my dream of going into law enforcement. That's where I'm supposed to be.

I've always known that I'll never be happy unless I feel like what I'm doing is making a difference. And while I do think I make a difference on some level where I'm at now, there's also so much I'm confronted with that I can't do anything about.

I think this time next year, I can be where I've always wanted to be.

I hate you, and you, and you, AND YOUR DOG.

This one sounds fun! (Otherwise known as DEAR GOD I AM BORED.)

Sniped from shurimon:

Give me a fandom you know I know of, and I will tell you--

1. The first character I first fell in love with
2. The character I never expected to love as much as I do now
3. The character everyone else loves that I don't
4. The character I love that everyone else hates
5. The character I used to love but don't any longer
6. The character I would shag anytime
7. The character I'd want to be like
8. The character I'd slap
9. A pairing that I love
10. A pairing that I despise

READY SET GO (oh god please, save me from myself)

The first 10 people to respond to this journal can request a ficlet from me. But the catch is that if you request a ficlet from me, you have to post this in your journal and do the meme too! It's a fun challenge for any writer. I urge anyone to try it out, even if they don't request anything from me!

Believe me, I'm painfully aware that I didn't write most of the ones requested last time. And I can't promise I'll write all these ones, though I'm gonna try REALLY REALLY HARD. If you want to help me out, stick to requesting things you know I can write.

Fandoms I've written for before (or expressed intent to write for) and any of the Seiryuu games are open for prompting.

Being that I'm a huge sucker for classical violin and have been known to buy original motion picture soundtracks JUST for the violin music, I broke down and ordered Joshua Bell's Voice of the Violin from an amazon reseller.

And YAY it arrived today.

So I opened it, and there's Joshua Bell's handsome face staring back at me from the CD case, right. But inside... is a James Taylor Christmas album.

What. The. Fuck.

No, I will not go tell it on the mountain, if it's all the same to you, Mr. Taylor. WHERE IS MY VIOLIN? >:(

Kat asked to pick my brain about Sam Carter for a fic she's working on. And damn her if it didn't remind me how much I did genuinely like Sam most of the time. Then I started to miss SG-1 and started thinking about popping in a DVD or looking up some old fic and WAUGH. DAMN YOU, KAT.

You guys, all I can say is screw the SPN finale.

Because - CSI. I just.

You guys.

You guys, I just punched myself in the face.

MY LIFE, SO HARD.

Cannot bear to talk about work right now (omfg people who gossip SUCK, okay?) so instead I'll just say that I've been having a lot of thinky thoughts about race and my own self-identification lately.

Growing up, I never wanted to claim 'just white' because it never felt quite right. But because I pass as white when I haven't had any sun for a while, and because my percentage of 'European mutt' is higher, claiming Asian wasn't right either, and what's more, I knew I wasn't Asian. It's always frustrated me that I didn't have another option.

I'm mixed race, but more than that, I wish I could just say 'I'm from a mixed race family.' That's what feels the most accurate to me. I may pass as white most of the time, but I'm very conscious of having family members who don't. Hell, my own big brother who lives in Arizona and who's tan all the time, is mistaken as Hispanic, because when he and I have some sun, it's a lot more obvious. My grandma, excepting the fact that she's freakishly tall, is as Filipino as you can get. She was born and raised there, not coming to the States until she was an adult. Bits and bobs of that culture have been passed down to me - the very first dish I ever learned to cook by myself was a Filipino recipe she taught me.

I just find it frustrating that everyone is STILL so caught up in the idea that everyone can be categorized as one thing or another, or that someone's ethnicity depends on which parent they look the most like, or that what WE think people should be identified as is more important than what they identify themselves as. Because really - screw all that. You can't look at me and decide I'm all white, end of story. Because you don't know my story. And I should be able to say whatever feels most right TO ME, regardless of whether it makes sense to you.

Anyway, I've been thinking a lot about it lately. Figuring myself out, I guess.

An interesting article from last month on the subject: http://www.nytimes.com/2008/03/31/us/politics/31race.html

-- YOU GUYS, MY GOOSES HAD GEESELINGS. No wonder my goose was so sad about not being able to get over the fence. His lady was in there with the soon-to-be-hatched kids, and omg he was gonna be in SO MUCH TROUBLE.

I totally saved their marriage.

-- Name for me the canon moments or cases or whole episodes that you most like to see dealt with in CSI AUs. Bonus points for any that aren't immediately obvious.

-- I'm-a getting my hair done today, and then I'm going to Sephora to ask the ladies there to show me how to do eye makeup and pick out some colors (though on a meej's advice, I'm leaning toward bronze). Because srsly, you guys, I work with so many hot mens, while forced to wear a silly hat, so I gotta do SOMETHING to feel pretty and girly. I mean, the K-9 officer? SO HOT. AND HE COMES WITH A PUPPY.

THEN I'm going to buy a few cute shirts, in the hopes that having cute clothes to wear will inspire me to actually DO STUFF when I'm not at work.

-- Debating whether I want to buy Joshua Bell's Voice of the Violin on iTunes or actually go to the store and buy it and then import it into iTunes. Very tricky.

-- I love TIVO.